All right, you self-entitled little shitbags, enough is enough. You're not the only ones waiting for updates to your favorite games; there are thousands of other people waiting, too. You'll just have to do like everyone else: WAIT.

"But I paid good money for this game, and I want the update NOW!" Whoa, fuck! Really? Well, I'd love to see the update released, too! AND SO WOULD THE HUGE NUMBER OF OTHER PLAYERS WHO PAID FOR THE GAME! So what if you bought the game and spent money on merchandise or in-game items? OTHER PEOPLE HAVE, TOO! Seriously, shut your fucking mouth and wait. No one wants to hear you whine like a little bitch; you're in the same fucking boat as everyone else, so deal with it you little cumstain.

"Well, we've been waiting for weeks/months for this update and it's not out yet! What lazy developers..." Well, why don't you just run right up there and go help them? Oh, wait...you probably have no fucking clue how to develop a game in the first place! And "lazy?" Are you shitting me? What do you think the game developers are doing? Sitting around playing ping pong and drinking beer for 8 hours a day? No, you fucking moron! They're more than likely coding, fixing bugs, or trying out new ideas! They do this so the game's more enjoyable and not full of bug shit.

"The company gave us a beta/pre-release patch to play with and it's fine! There are only some minor bugs! They should just hurry and release the full version!" Oh, yeah. Let's get the company to shit out that patch before it's fixed! Great idea! ARE YOU RETARDED? You know what happens when that stuff gets rushed? You get a buggy load of crap that erases your save files, crashes repeatedly, or malfunctions in other fucked up ways. And then what happens? Your kind gets their nuts in a knot and screams and whines non-fucking-stop about "WAH WAH, MY SAVES!!! WAH, WAH, I DEMAND A FIX AND/OR A REFUND!! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Fucking hell, look how long this is! Thanks a lot, you assholes.

Oh, aren't sandbox games fun? They let you blow shit up, build your own castle, or just kill things. Good stuff! Then YOU people come along. You people without one fucking ounce of courtesy or common sense.

"Golly! I see this building here, but I want to experiment with stuff. I'll just tear the building down a bit so I have some room for my idea!" Fuck you. Fuck you HARD. If you worked on some project for a few hours, how would you feel if some prick came by and had the baked bean special runs all over it? Don't give me that "I'm sorry, I'm new to this game!" horseshit, either. You damned well ask before you touch other people's stuff. "But no one was around so I couldn't ask for help!" You know what you do in that case? DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ANYTHING! Go play singleplayer, read a damned wiki, and learn the game first, dumbshit! No one wants to come back to a ruined project because you decided to lend out your brain cell for the day.

"Well, that's not nice! It's just a game, you know." Shut up, bitch. Lego and sand are games, too. People use those to make awesome sculptures. Would you go up to one of those things and start picking it apart in some places because you want to try something out in those specific spots? I hope not because if you do, you're a tit-brained pissfuck. Pulling that shit in a game where people can build things is equally retarded. Defending people who do that makes you look like a twat.

And that brings me to one more wonderful piece of shit. "Hee hee hee! Look at all these fine things to ruin! Time to start smashing!" If you aren't doing any funny or creative griefing, please go play a game of hide-and-go-fuck-yourself. Big, gold dick sculpture on someone's lawn? Funny (and useful)! Tearing things down as fast as you can by any means necessary? Old shit that no one finds funny because ANYONE can do it.

You got all that? Good. Over and out, dicks.

Since when is "I'm busy" not a good enough excuse for not returning your call/answering your email or text message within seconds of getting it? Yes, I'm happy that you got the last achievement in Lego Rock Band or whatever crappy rhythm game is "in" this week, but do you really need to bother me about it RIGHT THIS MINUTE? I have a test to study for so I don't have to work at some shitty kitchen job until I die. And yes, I already know that you think college is a scam so you dropped out months ago so you could consign yourself to mediocrity for the rest of your life. I don't care. You can work that shitty job at Wal-Mart for as long as you like, but I've got bigger plans. Now stop pestering me every five minutes.

Will you fucking mouth-breathers stop falling back on the tired old argument of "this game is good because it got a 9/10 in Game Informer so you're just wrong and you suck HA HA NEENER NEENER"? Go back to issue that had that glowing review. Look at all the ads in there that have the same publisher as that game that got that glowing review. There's a lot, aren't there? It ain't a coincidence - they just flat-out BOUGHT positive press for that game. How do you think every new fucking Halo game gets glowing scores even though the franchise hasn't evolved in ten fucking years? It ain't by being fresh, innovative, or even having anything new outside of a few new maps to play on, it's because Microsoft buys up ads and positive press by the truckload in every magazine they can find. Do you know what would happen if someone went against them and posted something negative? They'd get fired, that's what. Either that or they'd just be out a wad of cash because the publisher would pull their advertising. Don't believe me? Google "Jeff Gerstmann". Guy got FIRED for giving a bad review to Kane and Lynch - but only after Eidos bought a ton of ad banners the day before.

Should I even bother to point out that Game Informer is owned an operated by a GAME STORE CHAIN? Yeah, I'm sure they have no interest in overhyping garbage just so they can sell more copies and turn a bigger profit. Oh, wait, YES THEY DO. And they didn't get 3 million subscribers due to anything resembling "quality" - they got em because they give that shit away for free with their discount cards. So you can quit waving that number in my face too while you're at it.

So yeah, shut the fuck up and learn to debate a point instead of just saying "IM IN THE MAJORITY SO IM RIGHT FUCK YOU". Cocks.

Why the fuck doesn't the 3DS shop have an option to add EXACT funds to buy a game? Now I have an extra fifteen cents sitting on my account that I can't spend, and they don't give out refunds either. Hey Big N, say what you want about Sony's store getting hacked on a daily basis now, at least it was convenient for their customers!

oh goddd, who the fuck, they are making homefront 2. i dont know if i have enough bile in me to hate on it as much as i did the first. i'm just gonna ignore this one. completely. if there's a pre-order tf2 hat then i will install a skin over it.

i will model the giant foam dick hat from squidbillies and place it over the homefront 2 hat.

The fuck? Why the hell did they raise the price of Xbox Live to SIXTY dollars a year? It's already stupidly overpriced for a service I use maybe once every two months and now they want MORE money for it. Did their latest crappy Halo mission pack and its subsequent overpriced map packs just not sell enough copies or something?

Eat me, Microsoft.

What's with these assholes on Twitter who keep setting up accounts to automatically spam anyone who mentions a game with an invitation to read their terrible guide for said game? No one cares about your shitty ad-saturated walkthroughs when there are a dozen better ones available for free. Get a job.

God I am I ever sick of first person shooters. It's the new Guitar Hero, flooding the market with one terrible Call of Duty and Gears of War game after another, which in turn causes every two-bit nobody company on the planet to release their own terrible clone to try and cash in, and before long every console has 398 of the damn things clogging up every game store I visit, crowding out far better games, putting small game companies underwater and crushing originality on the whole. I can't even find a decent goddamn adventure game or RPG anymore because everything has to be REALISTIC (ie taking place in a brownish-gray garbage dump) and DYNAMIC (ie cinematic effects that have no actual bearing on gameplay) and REAL-TIME and FULL OF DARK GRITTY CHARACTERS AND ACTION OR ITS A SHITTY GAME FOR BABIES.

But then people finally start to get sick of the damn things and sales start to fall off, so they just ramp up the juvenile baby-shit with horrible garbage like Bulletstorm and call it "the game that will redeem the genre!". No, fuckholes, slapping a stupid gimmick on your uninspired trash isn't going to magically make things better. If you want to redeem the genre, STOP FLOODING THE GODDAMN MARKET. Work on your new game for three or four years, make it really good and give it more than 5 hours of gameplay and some actual replay value instead of just releasing the same mediocre trash every six months.

Oh, and fuck regenerating health. Who the fuck thought this was a good idea? "Oh shit, you got shot eight times, you're in trouble now - oh wait, no, just hide behind a box for a few seconds and you're fine. Go back to killing." Nice "realism", you fucking idiotic fanboys. Christ, at least picking up a health-pack and being instantly healed adds SOME degree of planning and strategy to the game.

Sony, are you kidding? You want me to buy into identity theft protection through some company named Debix? You seem to think offering this makes you look good. It doesn't. It makes you look like a bank that's offering a Money Protection Service. It's your job to keep my credit card info safe yourself, you stupid shits. Many, many, many internet-connected companies do this fine every day. But you can't seem to, and think admitting it in this dumbass way makes you look good. Sorry, I am not giving money to some opportunist no-name company.

Why in the hell fuck should I PAY A PARTNER OF YOURS TO KEEP YOU FROM GIVING AWAY MY PERSONAL INFO. FUCK THE SMALLEST HOLE LEFT ON YOUR ABUSED BODY.