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cut the crap, i want to flip the bird.
vent, bitch, and moan flipping a digital, written bird.
you're digging on the fucksville inc tag.
id#854e25 ♦ 16550 (3933)
 
Dear [REJECTED APPLICANT NAME HERE],

Thank you for attending our interview at the ass-crack of dawn on a day you have to work, especially in light of our unwillingness to reschedule to a more convenient time for you. Unfortunately, at this time you do not meet the minimum requirements for the position, noted below.

Psychopathy - You are not a certified sociopath who would stab his coworker or even his own mother in the back for personal gain. This is an undesirable trait in today's competitive work environment.

Con Artistry - You do not have the ability to convincingly lie in order to answer questions irrelevant to the position asked during the interview, nor to convince us that it would be worth the effort to take time out from our busy daily schedule of playing Farmville and masturbating to Fox News to fill out a form that would enable you to work a shift where we would rarely interact anyway. Nor did you come across to us as someone who would be fun to go drinking with on a nightly basis. This is an undesirable trait in our office politics.

Legal Record - Your legal record is sickeningly clean, not even so much as a ticket for jaywalking, and that your credit record is equally spotless. This is problematic because it indicates that you do not spend every dime to your name on weekly cocaine, mushrooms, marijuana, ice, heroin and/or alcoholic benders. This is detrimental to office politics as our sole management tactic is getting dusted out of our minds, writing down ideas on the corkboard and throwing a dart to find out the way in which we'll screw over our employees next. Being equally inebriated and hopelessly addicted to numerous illegal substances will ensure that you are less likely to object to this method of management.

Minimum 2 Years Experience - You lack the required experience for the position, despite it being listed as an entry level position with no experience required. As stated, we simply cannot be bothered to take time out of our busy schedule of playing Farmville and sitting through a meeting every other week in order to assign someone to train you in the highly complex art of pushing a broom. After all, we kissed mountains of ass and knifed dozens of people in the back to get to our comfy thrones in middle management, what would people think if they saw us with a broom in our hands?

Social Security Number - You failed to include this on your application. Whilst it is not a legal requirement to include this on a job application, it is a requirement that you include it on our online electronic application, conveniently designed to bypass said law via a convenient loophole, in order to pass the first page. This enables us to open several lines of credit in your name for self-indulgent Amazon.com shopping sprees. In the event such activities are reported to the proper authorities, we can then conveniently falsify network logs in order to shift the blame onto one of the office's hired patsies who will take the fall in our stead. This is the reason why we never have a menial entry level office job listed as "occupied" for longer than the span of two months.

Desired Wage - You not only listed it above our country's appallingly low minimum wage, but more than 0.25 cents above because, quote unquote, "you do not desire to live off of McDonalds nor reside in a garbage can". This shows a neglectful attitude toward our company's ideals and a distinct lack of respect for the United States of America, as paying anything resembling a livable wage would cause our workers to live past the age of thirty-five. This in turn would drive up the unemployment rate as new workers enter the work force, overpopulate the country, cause more people to request unemployment insurance, and lead us to economic collapse. It would also ensure personal expenditures for us, your almighty overlords, during our daily controlled substance benders, as already mentioned.

Thank you for applying with Fucksville Inc., and have a nice day.

- Dipshit Williams
3 votes say:
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(click a number, dingus.)
holy shit dude.
pages, dick:
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screw you, pal is some dumb thing from two dudes. one dude coded it. the other supplied ideas while under the influence.
© those two dudes 2010-2017.
by ✂ czr media

8:57:12 pm, monday, october 23rd, 2017 cdt in 1.074 seconds.

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