To anyone calling a radio station in the middle of the night, first of all, have a fucking reason to call me. Second, the show is called "coast to coast" we don't make it here in our goddamn basement, it comes in over satellite, and no, I can't transfer you to the show, the piece of shit phone I use doesn't even have a transfer button. Thirdly, don't ask me to turn down the radio at the bar where you're killing off your few remaining brain cells, how the fuck would I even do that?

Oh, and lastly, if you're a coked-out "dancer" getting off work at 3am and I'm kind enough to look up the call-in number for the show YOU are listening to, have a fucking pen and paper, and write it down instead of calling me five times.