1. No I will not give you a refund if you don't have a receipt. It's not my fucking fault you lost it.

2. No I will not check on the computer that 25% off $99.95 is indeed $74.95. Especially when you ask in such a patronising tone. As much as you think I'm a dumbarse I actually go to uni when I'm not slaving away after fucks like you.

3. What's that? You only have 1/2/3/4 more item(s) over the limit for the changing room? Too fucking bad. People bring half the store in there and leave it all on a pile on the floor like children. That rule is in place to make sure you don't fucking do that.

4. If you're kids do something they really shouldn't (Hide in the display/climb on tables/throw food in the store/THROW STOCK AT THE STAFF/PEE ON THE FLOOR) Expect to fucking hear about it. Don't look so ruffled that you actually have to take care of your own kids.

5. Oh you're baby is screaming because it needs feeding? Well go and fucking feed it instead of continuing to browse like it doesn't sound like it's going to die.

6. Our clock clearly says 5.30. I don't give a fuck if your iphone is 2 minutes slow in comparison, we're fucking closed so fuck off, especially after dealing the fucking rest of this list and more

If you have ever been any of these people, just know that my colleges and I all dream of the day we see you as a fellow customer so we can finally tell you how much of a gigantic dickhead you are.